tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28632081129141040062024-03-14T03:00:32.591-07:00The gorilla is named HogarthSometimes the biggest issues facing a project manager, are the ones no one wants to talk about. These tales talk about that gorilla in the room and how to tackle him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-34207237810655636582012-06-05T21:48:00.000-07:002012-06-05T21:48:06.739-07:00The Gorilla always sits in the front row
I stuck my head into the room to cast a quick glance around. The presentations wouldn't start for another hour and the room was empty of all save some facilities people setting up the AV. Smiling, I ducked through the doorway and made for the best seat in the house. The middle of the back row.
I merrily pulled out my laptop, chortling at my luck.
"You do know that they don't expect more than Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-33684620400290518992012-05-24T14:22:00.000-07:002012-05-24T14:22:08.033-07:00So long and thanks for all the bananas
"Keep coming, straight back, doing fine. Oh, you
might want to watch out for…"
<crash> "that lamp…"
Doing my best to not tip over the moving dolly I
glared at Hogarth. "A little more warning would be helpful."
Hogarth gave me a shrug. "What do you expect
from an imaginary gorilla? Besides, when have you ever listened to me before a
problem happened?"
I sighed, he hadAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-41508352243504295162012-05-18T12:22:00.000-07:002012-05-18T12:22:10.085-07:00The Gorilla Hero- Project Management's Super Power
“Preparing shock, move away from the
patient! “
What the? The sound was muffled by the
partially closed door to my office. I shoved open the door of my office to see
what was going on. And promptly wished I was still in the quarterly business
review being grilled by the CFO.
A massive gorilla was kneeling in the
center of my office. His massive torso obscured my view of what was beyond him
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-35504460145464324342012-05-11T17:33:00.000-07:002012-05-11T17:33:02.860-07:00A Gorilla Primer: What the heck is Agile?
"It's all rather simple." I said
confidently. "It's a process to maximize our transparency so that we can
deliver the maximum effectiveness of end purpose value to our constituents
while ensuring the highest possible predictability in deliverable milestones
."
Hogarth cocked his head to the side, "I'm not
following. I thought this was supposed to be easy?"
I tossed my Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-30029918837797301992012-05-03T16:33:00.001-07:002012-05-03T16:33:45.334-07:00The Abilene Gorilla: Going with the flow isn't always
I flung my door open only just catching it before it
slammed into the wall and left a hole I wouldn't want to explain later.
Resisting the urge to throw my notebook across the room I stomped towards my
desk, registering the presence of Hogarth decimating my newest fichus tree.
For once I was almost happy to see Hogarth. Almost
happy. At least I had someone I could complain to. "We are so
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-41064602476842817452012-04-27T12:56:00.000-07:002012-07-02T21:29:58.786-07:00The Gorilla Product Owner: It takes a village
Note: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
"Bob,"
Jake's tone was almost plaintive. "You're killing me here. I thought we
had this all sorted out. Didn't we just spend three days doing ideation
work?"
Bob looked pained,
he wasn't happy and it showed. "We did and I thought we were sorted as
well." He gave a shrug, "Sales got wind of the requirements and threw
a royal fit Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-33312552501941866982012-04-19T22:10:00.000-07:002012-04-19T22:32:35.183-07:00Gorilla Risk Impact- The "what" is more important than the "if"
OR: Probability just tells you how likely it is to
hurt, not how bad it will hurt.
"We have to fix it!" Carlos leaned forward
in his seat, hands griping the table.
Decaf, man, decaf, I thought. "We're a week from
launch. Making changes to the code now is absolutely impossible."
As Carlos turned beat red and began to splutter, I
wondered if it was a common trait of Customer Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-74897197049077757292012-04-06T16:37:00.000-07:002012-05-01T12:19:58.871-07:00The Agreeable Gorilla: the power of "And"
"But we can't do that."
Not my best opening line, but Jake
had caught me unaware. I tried again. "Look, using the Saskatchewan office
to do the testing is a great idea, but it won't work because we haven't
set up any network infrastructure with them."
Jake gave a shrug. "Well we just need
to get that set up then."
I nodded, "we could, but that
means working with IT on prioritization. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-77773202392818489932012-03-31T09:50:00.003-07:002012-03-31T09:59:50.695-07:00Agile, a Gorilla four letter word
"No, no, no, no. You're doing it all wrong. For
the love of Peet, it's an easy process to follow."
Eric shrugged. "Yeah and we found that it wasn't
working with our schedule cycle so we tweaked it."
I rolled my eyes, "Look, the system works, we
just have to trust the system." I glanced down at my watch. "Look, I
have to prep for my next meeting. Can you close the door when you leave."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-34246172070407726762012-03-16T16:35:00.000-07:002012-07-02T21:30:47.400-07:00Don't play Planning Poker with the GorillaNote: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
"10 Days" Eric said.
I sighed. "Eric, you're supposed to use the planning cards and put down a value."
As he flipped through his stack of cards I could see him counting to himself. "Okay, fine. I think this is an 89 point task"
Sigh… "Eric, you just counted out ten cards and put that card down."
"Yeah, so?"
I Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-24124136984060853022012-03-04T20:07:00.000-08:002012-03-04T20:07:06.664-08:00Gorilla Ethics: Is that your banana or mine?
Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe team building exercises? Not the real one, no. The ones that take cut-throat competition and slap a happy veneer over it to call it team building?
I squinted through the sunlight, trying to see where Sue was in the obstacle course. It was one of those big inflatable things that look like some swim float on steroids. She was struggling through Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-69738942153466420292012-02-24T14:36:00.003-08:002012-07-02T21:31:44.489-07:00The Gorilla Coach: A book review of Coaching Agile Teams, by Lyssa Adkins
Coachin Agile Teams
Note: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
"You've got to do something! We can't keep going like this, the entire project is going to collapse in on itself."
Eric certainly had a way of getting my attention. I had instant visions of red project dashboards and burn down charts flat lining like a patient in the ER. Eric was one of the canaries Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-71958769903639649842012-02-16T22:22:00.000-08:002012-02-17T09:00:07.183-08:00How to be a Gorilla Manager: In five easy steps
Dear Hogarth,
I want to become project manager. Can you give me some advice on what to do?
Thanks,
- Aspiring cat herder
Dear Aspiring,
Run, run as far as you can.
Barring that, I recommend you have your head examined. I mean, seriously, if you do your job well no one will notice you. If the project fails, you'll be standing right next to the product manager when Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-12694943736027871092012-02-09T17:09:00.000-08:002012-02-09T17:09:19.170-08:00The Gorilla Robot- All work and no play is bad for the PM
It was dark… very dark.
The darkness would have been complete, save for the blue-tinged glow coming from my monitor. With an annoyed sigh, I reached over and flicked on my desk lamp, restoring a moderate pool of light to my desk. I really hated it when the janitors turned off all the lights when they left. Didn't they know people were trying to work?
"I'm pretty sure that's singular Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-87056694359139102162012-02-01T10:43:00.000-08:002012-02-01T12:57:17.479-08:00How much for that Gorilla in the window? - Assigning value to requirements
Hogarth shoveled another handful of popcorn into his mouth (Yes, gorillas like popcorn - read the right sidebar, go figure). He was sitting at the end of the table, size huge feet propped up on the table and looked as if he were thoroughly enjoying himself.
Which couldn't be said for me. I turned back to the discussion at the table, wishing a crack in the earth would open and swallow Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-39705166484391307272012-01-26T15:33:00.000-08:002012-02-01T11:55:01.521-08:00Garbage In, Gorilla Out- Know "What" before "Do"
"What do you mean he said it's crap?!?" Jake's voice thundered. I'm pretty sure there was steam coming out of his ears . I could feel my own kettle on a rapid boil myself so Jack must have been at nuclear meltdown stage. I turned and cast a sympathetic eye down the table. Poor, Bob, our hapless product manager looked like he'd just been served up as the main course at a great white Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-26766529475170546732012-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:002012-01-20T11:20:07.826-08:00The Transparent Gorilla: If you can see through me, you can see me.
In response to Agileexam Gate:
"Hey. Can I ask you about project Pompeii's status?"
I tensed up , turning slowly to face Molly. She was the program manager on another project, which had some dependencies on my project. Okay, had a lot of dependencies on my project. I plastered a smile on my face. "Sure, Molly, what's up?"
Looking down at her notes, she said "You're reportingAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-69135467909863479512012-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:002012-01-20T11:30:14.641-08:00Power to the Gorilla! - Or, I passed the PMI-ACP now what?
"YES! I HAVE ARRIVED!"
Oh life was good, oh so good. I read the email one more time before leaning back in my seat with a self-satisfied grin. I even went so far as to kick off my shoes and toss my feet up on the desk. In a bygone decade I would have pulled a cigar from my pocket and lit it in a self-congratulatory act of hedonism. Instead I satisfied myself with lacing my hands behind myAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-38785793625167568482011-12-28T20:48:00.000-08:002012-07-02T21:33:02.280-07:00Certifiably Gorilla- A retrospective of the PMI-ACPNote: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
Tap, tap, tap… Click to refresh. Sigh, "nothing." Tap, tap, tap… Click to refresh. Sigh, "nothing."
"What'cha doing? "
Groan, just what I need. "I'm waiting for an email, Hogarth."
My banana breathed gorilla leaned on the desk, causing it to groan in protest. "You do realize that PMI said it wouldn't be until January that Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-66180926277497205712011-12-23T09:08:00.000-08:002011-12-23T09:17:47.109-08:00The Gorilla changing room- Making decisions out of choices
"WAIT, WAIT, What?"
Bob hasn't been handling stress to well lately. His last word broke into a near falsetto and the tick above his eye was threatening to register on the Richter scale.
Monica didn't seem the least phased by the outburst. I think it would have taken a good 9.0 to shake the plastic smile from her face. "Marketing thinks Pantone Snorkel Blue 19-4049 is not the right Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-33320332793940348252011-12-16T16:27:00.000-08:002012-07-02T21:33:45.406-07:00The contemplative gorilla: The value of retrospectives
Note: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
Bang… Bang… Bang…
You know the nice thing about banging your head on the desk? It feels so great when you stop.
Bang… Bang… Bang…
The smell of banana proceeded the lumbering form that entered my office. "You're gonna break the desk like that," Hogarth said.
Just great, honestly I hadn't done anything wrong this time. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-33025641276181075472011-12-14T11:38:00.000-08:002011-12-14T15:42:07.470-08:00The Winning Gorilla: A Book Review of "The Lazy Winner"
"Yeah, sure no problem. I can get that done."
I hung up the phone, a cheerful smile on my face, and turned back to my computer. Only to be faced with a staggering to do list awash in the red of late deliverables. Why the heck did I just say yes to another deliverable? I was already behind on a half dozen and the list of commitments just for this week was enough to keep me busy through toAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-4950377590315449372011-12-06T21:46:00.001-08:002012-07-02T21:36:09.107-07:00Gorilla Review: Rally's Agile Portfolio Management Product LaunchNote: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
On December 6th, 2011 Rally held the first launch event for their new Agile Portfolio Management product. Hogarth and I were there.
My fingers were flying at the speed of bad bugs appearing in legacy code. The darkness of the room barely slowed me down and I mentally gave a thanks that my keyboard was so silent. I'd be caught up Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-91366868700821947332011-12-02T15:19:00.001-08:002012-07-02T21:37:44.593-07:00Methodology roulette, always bet on Gorilla
Note: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
This blog originally appeared on PMChat.net. I heartily recommend this site and more importantly the weekly Twitter chat that Rob Kelly and Rob Prinzo host with the hashtag #pmchat. Thanks again to Rob and Rob for inviting me to speak in the PMChat pre-game call and to share this blog on their site.
“Hogarth?”
My mind was Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2863208112914104006.post-18910471750509433502011-11-22T17:05:00.001-08:002012-07-02T21:38:24.840-07:00Get on the Gorilla Bus: A Good to Great Book ReviewNote: For new Gorilla Blogs, head over to The Gorilla Coach
"Sigh…
I just couldn't bring myself to come up with a more energetic response than that. Wednesday had arrived with all the energy of a three legged turtle hopped up on warm milk. The clocked ticked over to 8:00 am and I opened up my calendar to see what the schedule had in store for the day. "Oh, look. Just like last Wednesday. AndAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09104459749524781730noreply@blogger.com